Practicing reverence and receiving.
The story of my Mother Blessing ceremony.
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The web has been woven.
The spells have been cast.
The blessings have been spoken.
Over the past few weeks, I have had the honour of having three Mother Blessings held for me - two online, and one in-person.
Receiving in this way is not something I am typically comfortable with. To be held in spaces, centered, spoken words over, stretches my edges. I have to combat the little voice in my head that tells me I’m not worthy of this kind of attention, or that I don’t deserve to be loved upon in these ways.
But I deeply crave a life with more community, more village, more ritual, and more ceremony. And if I say I want those things, I must actively cultivate them, create them - not only for others, but also for myself. I must practice both the art of giving, and I the art of receiving.
And so it is that I decided not to have a regular baby shower, but instead asked for a Mother Blessing.
Traditional baby showers are not my thing. While they may be your thing (and that’s beautiful and wonderful), the only baby showers I have been to haven’t matched the level of sacredness that is inherent to this transition point. They’ve felt less about honouring the mother, and more about entertaining the guests; they seem more about games and gift-giving than about deep reverance. I’m sure there are exceptions to this, I just haven’t experienced them personally.
Moving from maiden to mother is a sacred portal. And I wanted any honouring of that journey for me to be equally grounded in the sacred.
And so I leaned into asking for a Mother Blessing.
Prior to my own, I had never been to a Mother Blessing. To be honest, I wasn’t even entirely sure what it entailed. (Let that be proof that you don’t have to be experienced in a particular thing to make it happen for yourself). So I’ll share a bit about it here for those of you who are curious.
My doula offered to hold and facilitate the blessing for me, and we held it in the back yard of my house a few weekends ago. I invited a small group of friends, and we gathered on a beautiful yellow blanket spread out over the grass, circling around a bouquet of flowers and a glowing candle.
The ceremony began by speaking the names of the women in each of our mother lines and calling in our ancestors. We sang the song, Voice of my Womb, together. Tears pricked the corner of my eyes as the women around me raised their voices as one.
My friends each brought a bead to thread onto a string for me to have near me during the birth, as well as an item to place on the altar. They spoke words of blessing for the birth as they offered these items and strung the beads. They wrote notes for the baby, and we placed them in a wooden box to be opened when baby arrives and read over them. Together we mixed dried flowers and herbs into bath salts, and the women spoke blessings for the postpartum period.
Finally we tied a red thread around our ankles, connecting all of us in the circle. Each woman left with a circlet of thread tied around her own ankle, to be cut only after the baby arrives. Everyone also took a candle away to light at the time I go into labour.
Tears were cried. Words of love were spoken. And I felt so deeply held and touched.
So often when I used to read about experiences like this, I felt envious. I thought, “that’s nice for you, but I don’t have friends who are into those sorts of things”. I want to offer a response to that voice, if it is coming up for you as well. Most of the people who attended this circle had never been to a Mother Blessing before, myself included. About half of the people had never been to any sort of ceremony of this nature, and don’t have any personal spiritual or ritual practice. And yet they rose to the occasion.
I had fears that it might be awkward, asking my friends to step outside of their comfort zone in these ways.
But such is the magic of women that we found our way, rooted into our bones, and felt the sense of deep reverance that exists within all of us - whether we are connected to it or not.
Many of my more spiritual and ritual-oriented friends do not live near me geographically. We are instead connected through various online communities. So I was honoured with two other Mother Blessing circles held for me online. These were different, although no less beautiful.
At each, words were spoken about the ways in which people see me showing up for motherhood, the vision these dear ones hold for the sort of home Dexter and I will create for our child. Reminders of the power of my body, and my ability to birth, were offered. Words of wisdom and witness were shared. I was truly touched by each woman who showed up, who held space, who honoured the gravity of this transition.
To be mothered, held, and loved on in such a way before moving into my own season of motherhood was truly such a gift.
We have lost so much of our connection to ritual in our modern society. We move through these massive rites of passage, and so often mark them in the ways we are taught without questioning what we actually need or desire to hold us through that threshold crossing.
There is such power, I have learned, in creating exactly what I desire from a ceremony. Our wedding ceremony was a beautiful testament to this, a moment in time that I hold so sacred because Dexter and I, and our dear friend and ceremonialist Sarah, carefully and lovingly crafted it to feel like a deep honouring of our love. No part of it was textbook, or done out of obligation. It was all for us, to hold us through that rite of passage; it was a ritual, not a performance.
And the same can be said for these Mother Blessings, at a smaller scale. Asking for exactly what I desired felt uncomfortable, but it also felt so right in my bones. And that is what I long for - more sacred, more reverence, more depth.
And so it is.
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Hello to anyone who is new here… I’m Kelsey, a therapist, writer, space holder, community tender, creative business coach, and soon-to-be mama. You can find out more about my work here. If you enjoyed this essay, please do subscribe. And if you have the means, I would be so grateful if you chose to support my creations as a paid subscriber.