Preparing for this rite of passage.

Turning inward and offline.

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How cute that I thought I’d be writing these letters to you right until baby comes, at least with any reliability.

In reality, the cave is calling.

I am 38 weeks pregnant. We have arrived in that liminal time when baby could emerge from the womb at anytime. And I am feeling the call to turn inward, to be less visible, to spend less time in the online realms and more time in my body, with my hands in the dirt, my feet in the water.

My last day of work was this past Friday. I realized that I haven’t taken more than 6 weeks off work or full-time school since I was 17 - that’s fifteen years. Now I am looking ahead and 6 or 7 months of not working in the traditional sense of the word, though I know this time will still be filled with so much work, of a different kind.

I thought I would have more feelings about this, about letting go of my work life for a time. But all I feel is gratitude and relief for this time, this space, with this new addition to our family.

I don’t have many words today to offer. I don’t have much wisdom to impart. I feel as though I am in this place where I don’t really know anything at all about what is coming. I have read all the books, and watched all the videos. I’ve taken the courses on birth and baby care. And yet, any of that can only prepare us so much.

So as I step into what is unknown to me I am leaning into these muscles I have been building for so long: intuition, self-trust, and surrender.

My intuition is telling me it’s time to go inward.
I’m surrendering to that, letting go of how I thought I would be showing up, and trusting myself to know what I need.

So goodbye for now. I’ll see you on the other side, wherever that is, however that looks, whenever that happens… whoever I am.