You don't blame yourself for the weather.

a quick emotional reframe

Pre-S: As I move more and more from Instagram to Substack, in addition to long-form content on (most) Sundays, I’m going to occasionally be sending out something shorter - more à la Instagram variety - during the week. Feel free to let me know what you think about this in the comments! I always love and appreciate hearing your feedback.

---

So often when we feel [insert undesirable emotional state here] we blame ourselves. “Why am I so anxious?” “What am I doing wrong for feeling so low?” “I’m such a burden to others because of my depression.” We put a lot of onus on ourselves for the reasons we feel the way we do. And we make a lot of meaning about that. This in turn can plummet our sense of self-worth and cause us to take on a lot of shame and guilt about our emotional state.

Here’s a different way of seeing your emotions that I encourage you to try on instead:

Imagine you’re in a cozy, warm house. You’re hoping to head outside for a walk in nature today, when suddenly it starts to pour. A storm is brewing. In fact, it has become downright torrential! And you feel upset, disappointed and frustrated that your plans for the day were thwarted by the weather. But you don’t blame yourself for the rain, do you?

I thought not. After all, you cannot control the weather. (If you can, please let me know!)

The same is true - much of the time - for our emotions. And even if there are things we can do to help ourselves stay regulated, calm, and grounded… sometimes our feeling state slips out of our grasp and control. And it certainly never helps to add a layer of shame and self-blame on top of it.

So next time you’re feeling all sorts of guilt or self-judgement about the anxiety storm or thunders of depression inside of you, try simply acknowledging:

“The weather sucks today.”

“But I’m still me. In my warm cozy home (that’s your true self) and I’m not defined by this feeling or reaction. The weather sucks (that’s your hard to hold emotional state) and it’s not my fault. My job right now is to soothe myself, as best I can, and remind myself that I’m okay and safe inside, even when the weather feels awful.”

What do you think?
Would this be a helpful reframe for you?
What other reframes or reminders do you find helpful when you’re struggling with your mental health?

xo Kelsey